Sundays with Susan

Per Sister Stacy:

When I asked them tonight what comes to mind when they think of their beloved Auntie Sue, their words were endless! Meghan even composed a few poems!

Ryan (10 yrs. old)
funny
generous
cool postcards
helpful
awesome
cool
fun
really brave
amazing
she knows funny songs and jokes
"she believes in God all the way"

Meghan (8yrs.old)
teaches me poems
walks with me
taught me the "Salami Song"
loves me with all her heart
awesome
she's funny
she's cheerful
loves the Giants!
she rocks!
she has courage

Meghan asked "Can I move to Oregon when I'm in her grade and she can be my teacher?" and then she composed a couple of poems for her.

"Auntie Sue"
Oh Auntie Sue
What are they doing to you?
Are they putting knives in you?
Are they hurting you?
Oh Auntie Sue
What are they doing to you?

"Look"
Look
It is Auntie
Nicest bald head that's round
and cool
Swishy dresses
and
Hats

Believe
God believes
I believe
I want you to believe
So lets believe!

"The Tests Results Are In"

I must say, I wish there was better news to report regarding all the recent tests and it certainly is a mixed bag...the good news is the PET scan shows a significant reduction in the size of the lung tumor, almost 70% smaller, and that is a huge praise! The response to treatment (in the lung) has been very good and we'll hope for even better news when the final scans are done in a few weeks. No other "hot spots" were found anywhere else in the body and that's a praise of grateful thanks too.

The not so good news is the cancer in the pancreas has spread and is definitely in the lymph nodes around the pancreas. This means surgery is no longer an option to remove the nodules in the pancreas itself and chemo is the only treatment option. I've known from the beginning, when this was first diagnosed, that pancreatic cancer is very difficult to treat and without surgery, it's not a good prognosis. It seems the Cisplatin did an excellent job on the lung (as it's designed to do), but had no impact whatsoever on the pancreas. We'd hoped it would at least stem the progression, but that didn't happen. I'm now considered a Stage 4 for pancreatic cancer and we do what we can to slow it's spreading through the body.

I start chemo this Thursday - the chemo agent for the pancreas is Gemsar and it is supposed to work as well on the pancreatic cancer as Cisplatin did for the lung. That's good. The chemo is an IV treatment once a week - I go two weeks on (every Thursday) and then one week off and will be on this chemo for the rest of my life. I'll also continue a chemo protocol for the lung (Tarceva), but it's in pill form. Dr. Karamlou says the side effects of Gemsar won't be too bad, not even as bad as the side effects from Cisplatin. Since I didn't have any significant side effects from that, I'm hopeful this won't be too bad. He did say I won't get my hair back though....if that's the worst thing I have to deal with, I'm ok with that. Sure has made getting ready in the morning a breeze and I have a collection of some very cute hats.

Some have asked why we didn't combine Cisplatin and Gemsar from the beginning and fight both at the same time. This was a question I'd asked from the start - the reason is the two chemo agents are so powerful and potentially toxic that the combination would likely have been more than my body could handle. The fear was I would be unable to continue treatment due to the toxicity, meaning neither cancer could be treated, or worse, treatment induced mortality. We've known from the start that this is a very complex case, with two separate cancers, and so many decisions have been a bit of a gamble.

Surreal is the only word that adequately describes what we've all been feeling since getting the news. It is just bizarre to be talking about the implications of Stage 4 cancer and phrases like "treatment for the rest of your life" knowing that according to medical data, this is being measured in months or perhaps a year or two. It is especially surreal when I feel so good - I have no symptoms, no side effects, my energy level is better by the day and I'm back to eating normally with no complications.

As I've said before, I am not a number on a page, a statistic or medical data. God is my ultimate physician and I am grateful He has given me good, caring doctors and nurses and top notch medical procedures. I am still fighting this cancer with as much determination and vigor as before and still intend to be a cancer survivor!

Though this news has been hard with many tears shed, there are also so many happy, bright moments in the last weeks. Having my family here with me has been great - my sister, Stacy, was here this past week and we had so much fun together. It's the "rainbow" days of March (as my friend Becky describes them) - a combination of rain, sun, sometimes both together and lots of beautiful rainbows in between. I love the reminder of God's promise in the rainbows! The daffodils are coming into full bloom and I so enjoy the sunny yellow cheerfulness. My birthday was last week (18 years old with 34 years of experience - you do the math :) and my house is full of flowers, balloons and cards. A lovely celebration! And some very yummy cake too :)

Best of all, I'm going back to work on March 30th after spring break. I'll be working half-time, M-T-W, with chemo in Thursdays and the weekend to recover, if needed. I'm so excited to be back to teaching and being with the kiddos, they are my true medicine. "Marge", my blue wig, will be with me from time to time and since I might not have hair again, may need to venture out and add a few more to my collection. My brother, Mike, suggested Elvira or Lily Munster, I'm thinking maybe Pippi Longstocking with the braids. We'll see :)

Other plans? I don't know yet, I'm taking each day as it comes and enjoying it for the blessing it is. I'm so grateful for God's hedge of protection in feeling good and enjoying the blessings of each day. As He reminds me daily, "Be not afraid for I am with you" (Isaiah).

As Matt asked in a prior update, please keep praying hard and praying focused. This journey is far from over and I am grateful for all my wonderful friends and family that are right along side me every step of the way. Still too much to do for me to leave anytime soon!

Love and hugs to all of you,

Susan

Sundays with Susan

An interview with two of her nieces:





What words come to mind when you think of your Auntie Sue?


Mallory
Happy
Full of joy
Kind
Loving
Always there for you
Supports you
Full of laughter
Loves animals
Caring
Makes the right choices
Always bouncing around in joy
Sweet
My hero





Madison
Smart cookie
Funny
Interesting jokes
Great laugh
Embarrassing me in public :-)
Teacher
Bologna song
Carpet vs. ketchup
Comfy...Like to hug her
Lovable






That pretty much says it all through the eyes of a 9 & 14 yr old.

Love you Sue!

Please Pray.......Pray Focused.......Pray Hard

I spent the past three days with Sue which started with some surprising news on Friday. A view of the scan showed the current nodule on the pancreas had shrunk (yeah), but an additional nodule showed up in the middle of the pancreas and it looked like there was some slight inflammation around the lymph areas. It was a weekend of reflection as this news always sticks in the back of your mind until definite results come back from the docs.

Today was that day. Sue's doctor shared with her that not only is there a second nodule, but another one in the lymph area. There will be a biopsy later in the week to determine if this is cancer. If the nodule in the lymph node is malignant, then surgery to remove the nodules is off as it will continue to come back again and again. They will view the lung this time next week and then make decisions on next steps.

Sue has said all along "Lord, let this be your will", but I pray that HIS WILL is to get this healed up so we can move forward with all the things yet to accomplish.

She asked me to specifically request that each of you pray for her & the doctors as they continue to conduct further scans and biopsies. Today was a tough day and all the support means a great deal for Sue. She described today as surreal and has a hard time understanding why this continues to move in another direction. Keep in mind, the doctors considered her cancer to be stage 4 twice (early on before declaring stage 2) and today seems somewhat similar until we have more information.

Please pray for Sue.

Sincerely,

Matt

Sundays with Susan

Spending time with my "sis" is extra special

This past weekend I was able to spend some quality time with Sue and my Mom. I thought I was bringing some wonderful California sunshine with me to Portland on Friday, but alas it was short lived and midday the normal Portland weather returned. I was able to go with Sue to her last radiation treatment, meet the medical team that Sue has bonded with, and come away with the knowledge that if anyone with this much tenacity, hope and beliefs can conquer this dreaded disease, it is Sue.


As much as Sue has been able to deal with the ugly side of cancer, it is sometimes the little things that we can do to help her that brings the most enjoyment. Just being able to fix some things around the house, making sure her computer is functioning properly, and providing emotional support goes a long ways. Unfortunately, this past week has been tough on Sue physically as the radiation has inflamed her throat to the point where swallowing and keeping food down is a challenge at times. Sue was able to digest smoothies, so not all is bad J

Remarkable as Sue has been with coping with this illness, it has been tough on us (all of us) to fully understand why Sue (or any other Christian) would be inflicted with this disease. In my talks with Sue, I questioned that maybe this is God’s way of testing not only her faith, but also testing the faith of those close to her. Maybe this is God’s message through Sue about faith and commitment to him. Maybe one day it will become clear to all of us what the bigger picture is in Sue’s life. Sue is such an inspiration to her close-knit community of church, friends and family, maybe this is Sue’s calling in addition to teaching Jr. High?


Sue, I truly missed being able to get out on the dance floor Saturday night and whoop it up like we used to do in Mt. View (in our much younger days). I think the ol’ back was still good for another round of shake, rattle & roll.

I love you, always

Mike

"The Body Is A Humbling Experience"

On February 21st, I had my last chemo and on February 27th, the last radiation session. Huge praises for that and now we wait while the chemo-rads continue to do their work, shrinking and frying the tumor and lymph nodes. The first stage is done! An easy, smooth last few days of treatment? Not so much.....

The last day of chemo, February 22nd, started well. Easy vein access for the needle and off we go. I made a passing comment to the nurse that I'd noticed that morning my arms were two different colors (normal skin tone vs. a pinkish/light purple color on the other) and wondered if it was because chemo discolored skin. I wasn't feeling pain or any discomfort so truly didn't think much of it. She looked intently at both arms, did a few quick circulatory tests and had a much different idea - a blood clot. After a phone consult with the doctor, it was decided I would have an ultrasound after chemo was done. The upshot was I did have a clot in the area of the chemo-port and I was immediately sent down to the emergency room for treatment. What started as an "easy" day was now turning into a very long day of being poked and prodded, more attempts to find veins for an IV (not too successfully),swabbed and tested, no food since breakfast and I was reaching the meltdown point. The good news was I didn't have to stay overnight for observation and could go home. I needed to be on a fast acting blood thinner and the prescription for that was shots to the stomach, twice daily.....self-administered. That was my breaking point. Not being overly fond of needles, the idea of having to give myself shots daily was beyond abhorrent to me. I just cried. Annie was with me and just comforted me while I sobbed in refusal to do this. As always, God comes to me in those broken moments and I looked up to see a frame on the wall that said "Be not afraid for I am with you (Isaiah)." I smiled through my tears, knowing that He was reminding me He's always there and knows I can do this. So I am doing the twice a day shots, not too thrilled with it, but not as bad as I'd feared. I was inspired too by my kiddos, all of 11 years old, that have to do this everyday for their insulin shots. Figured if they can do it, I can suck it up and do it too.

The chemo-port was removed surgically on February 24th and the surgery was without incident. Turns out the chemo-port actually was working ok and there wasn't a tear or leak - what prevented access was the blood clot that had formed in the area. What I did find out is what happens when radiation is done in a bandaged area. The adhesive around the edges of the bandage will sear to the skin and I have some lovely burns in a perfect rectangle on my upper chest. Might be a permanent reminder of the radiation, along with my little "rads" tattoos.

My next little bump in road was, as I affectionately called it, "stealth vomiting". Truly, I'd be feeling just fine and barely have a quick minute to register that....well, you get the idea. Unfortunately, these events seemed to have no consistent pattern and it was starting to freak me out a little bit. After a rather spectacular "technicolor yawn" while driving myself to radiation (and my driver's ed. boss would be pleased to know I still kept my eyes on the road until I could find a safe place to pull over), I was getting a bit uneasy about leaving the house since I couldn't predict when I'd be sick. In the best interests of all, I won't go into detail about what happens when you have these episodes and also have a slightly full bladder, but I'm sure you can figure out the end result of that one! :) Even with the strongest anti-nausea meds, I was still getting sick. It turns out the nausea isn't chemo related at all, but is the result of the severely inflamed esophagus from radiation. It's the esophagitis that I'd been warned about early on in treatment. There's so much inflammation right now, nothing solid will go down. I'm on a totally liquid diet for awhile, and with medication, should be back to somewhat solid food soon. It's not too bad - who can complain about multiple milkshakes in a day, but I do have to drink those nutritional high protein drinks and they are just nasty. I've figured out a few tricks to get those down too, so all is not lost. :) I ate a few noodles from my chicken soup broth this morning and that was great! It's the simple things in life....

Other than that, I'm really doing quite well. Both Doctors Kee and Karamlou have told me I am doing very well, considering how aggressive this treatment has been, and are pleased with that. My blood counts are low, but not bad and in line with where I should be at this stage of treatment. I have another blood test on Friday to recheck blood levels and a cat scan next week for the pancreas (not sure what day yet). This is the critical next step - to check status of the nodule in the pancreas and determine when I'll be strong enough for surgery to remove it. My prayer, of course, is they will scratch their heads in wonder when there is NO nodule there.....no scans on the lung will happen until at least the end of March. The chemo-rads are still doing their work and any scans prior to that would give inaccurate information. I'm praying for the miracle of NO tumor there either!

My brother, Mike, was here last weekend and it was great to have him here. He's fun and funny, kept me laughing, gave great hugs and was the calm presence through my "stealth vomiting" episodes. Mike is also quite the handyman and did all sorts of repairs around the house, plus all the computer "fixits" I've needed/wanted for awhile. It was a wonderful visit.

Yesterday was my first attempt at teaching again and I loved every moment. I taught the morning classes and had a great time with the kids, being back in the classroom. It was a busy morning with a staff meeting and 6th grade team meeting and I was really tired when I left after half a day. It was a good indication I'm not quite ready, physically, to go back to work just yet and need to ease back into it with several half days before full time work. Sure was fun though!

The sun is shining after a very soggy morning and the air smells so fresh and clean. I'm grateful to enjoy a warm mug of chicken soup broth and my big adventure today is a trip to the DMV to renew my driver's license. Since I don't want to be bald in the photo, I'm going to wear the Marge Simpson wig and just say nothing. After all, people wear wigs all the time in DMV photos, why shouldn't I have this one? :) Will be interesting to see their reaction and I will have a hat with me, just in case. :) My little "pin feathers" are growing a bit more, not much but a little bit, and I'm hopeful to not lose them in this last round of chemo

Corbett is doing fine and no signs of illness, thankfully. She has really enjoyed all the visitors and people staying here and I know she firmly believes they are all here to see her. Such the little diva!

Many things to look forward to in the next weeks.....going to the Regional Spelling Bee in Portland on March 14th with a student from Fowler. I'm the school coach/coordinator for our Bee and take the winner to the Regional competition. If Sam wins, we go to Washington, DC at the end of May! This is our school's 3rd year to compete and it's always so much fun. My brother, Matt, comes in for a visit soon and my sister, Stacy, comes next shortly after he leaves. Can't wait to give them hugs in person. As time and energy allows, I'm able to plan outings with friends and I have a never ending stack of books and small projects to enjoy. April 6th is Opening Day for baseball and I'm really enjoying the pre-season games. Starting to think about summer plans and what wonderful journeys God may have planned for me. Life is good! Take time in your busy days to enjoy the simple things, give a hug and kind word to a loved one, smile at a silly joke, savor the moments. They are the blessings we are given so freely.

Love and hugs to you all, thank you so much for your prayers, words of encouragement, and the wonderful community you are to me.

It means everything to me!

Susan

Sundays with Susan

This section is dedicated to those who would like to write Sue a personal note of encouragement. Please forward your personal notes to me at mmccormick@peets.com and I will place on the following Sunday. We have four this week. One from Charlotte, Fred & Susie Kennelly, Joanne Kachmarsky, & Toni .

Dear Susan,
Whenever I talk with Kari or Jon, I ask how you are doing. They have been without a computer for almost three months now. (I think they are soon to be back on-line.) We're doing a Bible Study in Esther, and it reminds of your courage to face life as it is being handed to you right now! John & I pray for you. But it's really good to realize than if no one else on the face of the earth is praying at this time, Jesus is!! We know He is faithful; He'll walk with you in the most trying times, and to give you reason to praise Him.
Love you,
Charlotte

An e-mail sent this week I thought Sue should see.
Hi Matt!
I just can't tell you how inspirational your dear sister Sue is. Words can't express just how much the glory, love, peace and long-suffering of Jesus shines through on her face and in her writings! I know what a good brother you are to her.... I know she appreciates you and all of your family.... You all have a sense of humor and sense of fun, which you even seem to be able to bring into this dire, serious and painful situation. I don't know how anyone could not believe in the evidence of God after seeing His presence in Sue. We are praying and send our love to you. Love you tons,
Susie and Fred Kennelly

Dear Susan:
I got your note a few weeks ago, and I thought how you didn't have to do that, with all that you have going on in your life right now. But the more I read your blogs, the more I see that is how you are! I just want you to know that I pray for you daily, as does my husband. We are not together. He is in Charlotte, NC since the end of Oct. and I am in Ohio, waiting... patiently...for our house to sell and I will join him. But we have talked about you like we know you! I hope to one day meet you and tell you in person what an encouragement you have been to me. I know how big God is! It sounds like you have some incredible doctors. I believe the Lord gives them to us so He can work through them. He is the "Great Physician", and I know that you believe this too. I'm not sure how much Tara has told you about me. I have experienced first hand the Lord's healing touch. Back in Oct. 2004, I had a brain aneurysm. I went to the hospital to get something for pain because my husband and I were going on a missions trip to Haiti, and I thought I couldn't have that pain in Haiti. I thought it was a pinched nerve. Shows you what I know! Although, as I look back, I convinced the paramedics that it was a pinched nerve. They told my husband to take me to the hospital because with a pinched nerve it's better if you're upright instead of laying down. Shows you what they know! Ha! Ha! To make a long story short, they were doing brain surgery and the aneurysm ruptured. They were in there, so they were able to clean it up. But then I had a stroke, and am still recovering from it! My left eye was closed. They told me that the optic nerves has been cut during the surgery and that it would never open again. I am right handed, and my right side was paralyzed (the aneurysm was on the left). I could only wiggle my toes. Through the years since, I've been to Haiti...twice! In Feb. of 2007 and again in 2008. The team I go with is there now. I would be there with them, but the Lord has other plans for me... like getting my house back on the market so it can be sold (which I did this past week). Why am I telling you all of this? I guess it's to let you know that though I've not been on the cancer journey that you are on right now, I have been on a very hard road myself. And the outcome is the same. And that is... GOD IS GOOD...ALL THE TIME! I had a very good friend of mine ask me if I ever am angry that I'm not further along in my recovery. My response was, "No. Because I know me. I'd be going about my life afraid I'd wouldn't be dependent upon God. I need Him... every day! And I Praise Him, for every day that He gives me." I know that this is how you feel! I can sense it through your words on the blog. I can tell by the kind words you put in the note that you sent! I only hope to one day meet you and tell you in person, what a blessing to me you are! A couple of Bible verses that come to mind are: "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him. The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him" Lamentations 3:24-25 and "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13 and one that is very special to me "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 Know that the Lord is with you when you go for chemo, when you go for radiation, when you go to the bathroom to be sick, when you go to bed to rest. And He tells us not to be discouraged or terrified. May you be blessed, because you are a blessing to many!
Love In Christ,
Joanne Kachmarsky (Jason's mom)

Hi Susan....
Am just coming to terms that you really have the dreaded "C" thing. I had it once and I know the first blow when you hear it. However, you are so strong and such an inspiration to all of us. You will get through this and use your blog to write a best seller- "Susan whups the Big C"! You write so transparently and with such honesty of spirit (with that cute 'twist' of humor). To say I enjoy your blog is awful but you write as if I am across the breakfast table enjoying YOU who are so delightfully unique. Yep...you will get through this and the book of your victory will be a World's Best Sellerl!! YOU GO GAL!
LOVE..TONI